I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

Not that it's important making this distinction, but what you're describing doesn't sound like occupational burnout; you've listed significant trauma that are only exacerbating your work-related stress, and I'm really sorry you're going through this!

First, I would agree with @codingslave in that you SHOULD NOT quit your job, if you can help it. Let me explain: Work provides important scaffolding when you are in a rut. It provides routine and social contact. Without it, it is possible you might start sliding into poor sleeping habits and withdrawing socially, which can make things even worse. At the very least, find a less stressful job to move to before leaving your current one. If this is hard to do, please reach out to family or friends for help. Please understand that it's absolutely okay to struggle and have bad days. Give yourself permission to feel.

Second, it's awesome that you're seeing a medical professional/therapist about this, and I encourage you to keep doing so regularly. "What should I do?" I think you're approaching this well. I wish you the best!

Can you bring your work down to 4 or 3 days? For like the whole year? Going back to 32 hours will give a lot of space, to sleep, to do other stuff. If the company supports this, that would be great.

Daily chores, cooking, cleaning: do what is practical and what you can handle! Order food if you cannot bring yourself to cook. Don't worry too much about cleaning, but make sure pests stay away. When you go out for work or whatever, make sure you are presentable, properly clothed and clean. Get a hair cut on a regular basis. Shave. Having a house that is spic and span is no priority. On the other hand, cleaning the house is a way to clear your mind. Walking, fitness, biking, swimming - all the are good to clear your head and remove the ongoing thoughts for an hour or so. This works better in a workshop with an instructor, like a tennis or dance lesson.

You need to talk about your issues with someone in meatspace. Not a "professional", but real people like friends or support groups. I've found that a large amount of my depression, anxiety and stress comes from being alone in my struggles. You feel like atlas holding up the world on your shoulders. The thing is, you're not alone in your struggles, many people share your problems. I feel like we've been conditioned to to take on the world ourselves. In addition we also don't like to admit failure or confide for fear of being labeled a whiner or complainer. We sabotage ourselves doing those things.

Some of the best medicine was sitting around a fire in the middle of nowhere with close friends and talking. Just let it all out, cry if you have to. Talking about the really uncomfortable shit is important. Don't feel ashamed.

I don't know what else to add, other than delete social media bullshit because it's a never ending feed of anxiety and noise. You don't need it because its not real social interaction. You need to talk to real people in the real world.

Hang in there, friend. In my modest opinion, if you are not already (did not read it in the OP), you should seek the aid of a mental health professional as soon as possible. The problems you struggle with are real, and they are really hard to tackle alone.

I wish you all the best, and please write at the email in my profile if you feel the need to connect with someone.

Cheers, S

I went thru that, without external support over 10 years ago -- basically my ability to concentrate and enjoy work vanished... It took me a year to 'recover' -- I don't think I was ever 100% of what I was before TBH, but it's because it helped me realise that there isn't JUST work that matters. I am a lot more pragmatic about work these days, and I no longer 'live to work' as I did before.

I don't know if any of these suggestions will help, but perhaps you should pick up a hobby, something that is not too taxing and is still rewarding. It can but doesn't have to be tech related either. For me it was Photography, and I do a lot of landscape photography to this day -- but it could be anything, perhaps these days I would pick Archery (field archery is a super way to 'zen' out).

The idea is to get back the feeling of doing something you enjoy, and it doesn't requires weeks of setup or zillions of hours of practice to enjoy yourself.

If your company is cool with it, perhaps negotiate a 4 day week, and take that one day for yourself to really unwind. Don't stare at the TV tho, so the thing you enjoy, and go out and do it.

But ultimately, what I suggest is that in the future you watch over your work/life balance. Take care of yourself!

Whatever you have to, mate.

Break whatever cycles you feel are detrimental to your emotional/physical/spiritual wellbeing and pave a new path for yourself.

If you have money saved up, or can sell a bunch of stuff and live frugally, get out of your normal space so that you can gather new perspective on life. A few ideas, as I know creativity can be blocked when you're feeling the weight of everything. Feel free to ignore, or take any of these and run with them.

- Go on a road trip, alone or with friends (having friends around will keep your mind from thinking about things), for a week or two. If you don't have a job right now, go longer. Or fly somewhere new.

- Stay in a hotel, or go camping, just because. Break up the norm.

- Learn a new physically engaging skill. Snowboarding takes me out of that burnt out state of mind.

- Go on a silent retreat. Some of them are donation based.

> My coping method to that has been to try to hold my work together more and more

Remember, life may be work, but work is not life.

Most importantly, breathe.

Hey lostgame, here are some thoughts:

1. This time of year is notoriously tough on mental health, and that's probably part of it. I got a subclinical case of SAD during the holidays. No triggering reason, life is generally OK, but I really was not very active outside of some minimum activity. I am finally coming out of it now that the days are noticably longer.

2. There's also been a seasonal cold going around that I just started getting over today. Its symptoms were mild but included some amount of disorganization and inability to focus. Really dramatic between yesterday and now in terms of how much I accomplished and how difficult it was.

3. All that notwithstanding, I have had a few traumatic experiences that resurface on occasion. The most effective thing I've done is to find a hobby that is really intensively engaging - not just idle escapism like most entertainment but the top-end, "I have to stay 100% in it" kind of stuff. For a while judo did this. It's a large committment, though, and I can't always find time for it. More recently pinball has filled that gap, and pinball is something I can get a quick fix of on my phone. Both of those games assault the senses and require my total attention to succeed, which really does a lot to reduce the ruminating aspects of traumatic stress.

4. When I want to ruminate and escaping won't do the trick I will turn to a diary. In here I try to settle my thoughts with storytelling. The goal - and there is a goal here - is to not just report the facts and rationales like a detective but to make a fairy tale out of it, adding in the kind of symbolic resolution you feel is just or in character with your beliefs, even if it means adding fantastic elements. When you do this, you change the story into one that allows you to heal and guides your identity back towards something stable. The "healing story" is an old folk technique, and a good, low-risk one to try.

5. It probably isn't the job, and like others are saying, you want to keep that. A good rule to work from is "fix ordinary things", and if the job doesn't need fixing then it probably isn't the focus.

Everything can be a struggle. Let yourself rest, but also don't let things go when you have the energy and focus, even if it means silly stuff. I realized that my habits are such that I am really focused to do a little more coding right when I go to the gym...and so now I go and immediately use their bathroom to get in an extra 20 minutes. I go in the off hours so there isn't a traffic jam, but it's like, "well, my mindset is good here, why not use that?" Sometimes it is little stuff that adds up like that, that gets me through the day.

First off, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Having to go through one of those events would be traumatic enough, so it is difficult to imagine how you must feel.

I am not trained in anyway to do diagnostics. Like others answering your question I would hazard a guess though that you may be going through something of a more serious nature than simply burnout.

As someone who experienced burnout personally just last year as well as a cancer diagnostic in my partner alongside that, I can't stress it enough how important it is to seek professional outside help in these situations. Especially in a case involving sexual trauma. You don't want that gnawing at the back of your mind, unresolved for years.

Psychologists are trained to help people cope with, process, and get through what you are experiencing. But they can't help you unless you reach out to them. And know that there is no shame in asking for help. We all have done it, whether we admit to it or not.

My experience was an eye opener. Simply the discussion, with a neutral party did wonders for me. I was also prescribed any kind of exercise where my heart rate would go up and, more importantly, involved deep rapid breathing. There are bio-feedback loops involved there that help remedy some of the depressive symptoms..

Also know that this kind of state can take time to heal from. It has been 5 months for me and just now do I feel myself coming together as the person I was before.

Hope it all goes well for you.

Someone quipped, "how does one untoast bread?" when asked about recovering from professional burnout.

I've been strung up on whether this was flippant, or insightful.

A lot of people mention therapy. If you need specific recommendations, I am close friends with a therapist in Toronto that is starting up her own practice:

personal page (WIP): https://meganpsychotherapy.com/

Association page: http://thecalmcollective.ca/megan-lawrence-therapist/

I haven't visited her in a professional context, but I've known her for over 10 years and I have confidence in her abilities. She's very approachable and easy to talk to.

Do you do any psychological therapy? I don't think you can pull through such a crisis alone or by working hard. I have had similar situations in the past and I have learned that mental well-being is the most important thing. Trying to power through usually doesn't work.

Also: When I had trouble I was too embarrassed to tell anybody but actually talking about it is very therapeutical.

I can only speak from my personal experience with burnout, but I found that one of the hardest parts of recovering was the fact that it simply takes time. I quit my job and tried to make immediate, drastic lifestyle changes expecting immediate, drastic improvements, but burnout takes a while to develop and a while to recover from.

For me, the best thing was to find some stability (spending more time with my SO and exercising—albeit extremely simply, literally just going for a quick run each day) was key.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm going through a crisis myself. I left a bad workplace a few months ago, and took some time off. Now that I'm back in job search mode, I'm also going through some physical health issues and the added stress has given me a lot of anxiety. I've tried meditation, yoga, etc. and nothing is helping. I'm having real physical symptoms and everyone is telling me it's all anxiety, but I am not sure.

It is scary to step away from a job, because the uncertainty can be overwhelming. But if you have a good support system (friends/parents/etc), I would leave the job and focus on your health, it's more important than anything else as it affects everything you do/feel.

I am not a therapist, so my opinion is not medical advice, but this what I would do: take a few vacations of 2-3 weeks each and travel on the continent; nothing fancy, just a disconnect. I have a few friends that I take for a very long bike ride, if you have anyone that can join you it's a great thing to do; the purpose is to disconnect, so the destination does not matter, just the activity. The second activity: get a bunch of books (non-technical), go to a cabin in the woods and read. I prefer science fiction or fiction, not poetry as most of the poetry has a depressing effect on me.

Don't do this for less than a full week, it has no significant effect.

That sounds awful. Sorry to hear that.

I'm not sure what to say...you've raised so many things. It might be worth spending time with friends, loved ones or a therapist to work through it.

One person once said, try and view yourself from outside yourself as a small child. Be compassionate to yourself and love yourself as though you were looking after that child. Go easy on yourself and sometimes it's better to take a break and re-build and come back stronger than possible cause injury by persisting.

I've been through some difficult periods and somethings worked for me like: spending time in nature, cutting out the things that caused pain in my life, doing sport and meditating.

I also have problems not the same but you need to seek professional help if you have a hard time coping. From your post it appears your job is not the problem but outside factors.

I also suggest reading "Maybe you should talk to someone".

We are rewarded for seeming happy and excited all the time, but often we need people in our life who we can open up to.

See a therapist if you have not done so already. A therapist can help you develop healthy coping strategies, work through the significant trauma you have experienced over the last year, and possibly refer you to a psychiatrist for drug treatment if deemed therapeutically necessary.

Please prioritize psychological well-being over everything else. Please have a therapist for regular counseling. As a practicing Buddhist I can tell you of two excellent teachers in Canada, Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu near Toronto and Ajahn Sona in British Columbia. Check out their videos on YouTube. Do remember that there are a lot of people, who you may not know, but still they care for you. Sending you lots of good wishes from across the border. Take care dear friend!

In my experience, when I'm burnt out, I find a new side project to get excited about. Excitement in one area of my life bleeds into others. I've worked on new apps, starting a company, woodworking projects, training my dog. Whatever it is, find something that awakens you again. It's best if you can see it possibly leading to a new career. That way it'll give you hope for and ownership over your future.

Here's what I do, in a somewhat similar situation.

1. Control my thinking. Practicing the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy.

2. Fix my sleep. Going to bed at 10, waking up at six. Eight hours of sleep per day. This requires getting rid of anything that disturbs the circadian rhythm, screens and lights are big offenders. I use f.lux and ultra-warm lightbulbs in the evening.

3. Fix my diet (ties into sleep). Intermittent fasting for at least 16 hours. Avoiding the carb/sugar spikes. I also went Keto for a while. I must advise against veganism.

4. Get exercise (also ties into sleep). Exercise is as potent as common antidepressants with none of the side-effects. A little goes a long way.

5. For work, a four-day work week and a short commute made a big difference.

I don't know if any of these can be left out. I couldn't fix my sleep on its own, without doing the other things. You may think that it's your anxiety keeping you from sleep, but it could actually be your eating and/or the lights keeping sleep hormones away so that you end up awake in bed, thinking. Then if you don't get good sleep, everything else just gets worse.

I feel perfectly stable now. Not fantastic, but stable. It's a process, took me about two months.

First of all thanks for your honesty here. Sometimes the hardest part is just reaching out.

Many of the challenges you've experienced I've also experienced. I've found that a vacation to a 2nd or 3rd world country for at least 2-3 weeks will help me reset. I think it's a combination of going somewhere I've never been and being able to see people less fortunate who seemingly are happy with much less than what we have here.

Death is incredibly difficult for me to accept..and trying to pretend like I'm fine when Im mourning a loss its near impossible. People tend to be understanding to a point but healing is personal and everyone deals with loss differently.

I've found that helping others is also incredibly rewarding and useful to reconnect when life has pulled the rug out from other me. No matter what I'm going through there is always someone going through something even more challenging. Even if all I can do is listen to them and share their experience. Sometimes that's all any of us need - someone to empathize with our situation.

Finally I add one more thing I've found. I tend to try and avoid pain and have struggled with addiction in the past. Fortunately my last bout of severe depression I used the previous experience and decided to run the Camino de Santiago. I ran the 500+ mile trail from France to the coast of Spain and in a lot of physical discomfort. Most people walk this over the course of a month - I would love to have a chance to do this again with more time. Absolutely life changing and you will make friends from all over the world. Highly recommend trying something uncomfortable -- its an incredible to be able to feel physical pain and yet still be grateful!

I hope you find peace and grow from this!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

About a year ago I resigned from a ~9-year job due to burn out (relationship issues and the death of my father were major contributing factors). I had put the decision off for a long time because I thought I should have a concrete plan first, but ultimately decided I'd never have the energy to plan next steps until I'd taken a long time off to recuperate.

So I just left. The time off hasn't fixed everything, but it has been enormously beneficial to me and I'm much more excited and optimistic about the future. I don't know how the gap will affect my career but at least now I feel like I have the energy to deal with whatever obstacles I encounter.

I was very privileged to be able to do that and I know your situation may differ; I don't have practical advice on dealing with financial concerns. But make sure you're sharing your feelings and getting advice from people around you, and - if you can keep your needs met - don't stay in an unbearable situation just from fear that something as good or better won't come along in the future.

1. Realise work is subservient to life, you work to enable life, not the other way around. As such re-evaluate and keep your goal in mind .

2. If work isn't taking you where you where you want to go and worse, if it's hurting you, you need to either find a new tack or different work. I know this is easy to say from a position of privilege, but would it be hard for you to change post or change company?

Hi

Shit sucks sometimes. It's not a nice feeling when you're constantly trying to hold yourself together. You convince yourself you're doing all right, because you're hanging on, but you have no energy to develop yourself or do new things, and you're slowly sinking into a hole that becomes ever more difficult to climb out of. After a while, even basic things take so much energy that it becomes a daily struggle to keep up with laundry, cooking, cleaning.

How do you climb out of that hole? I don't know. I think there's no easy solution. But talking helps. I don't have any answers for you, but if you just want to talk with someone who understands what you're going through, you can find my contact info in my profile.

I can speak from experience on what _not_ to do. DO NOT DRINK. very, very, similar things happened to me and my drinking only resulted in utter chaos.

If work is the only stable thing in your life, you should try not to let it fall apart, but it is designed to support you financially, not emotionally. It can't hold you up by itself.

You're in Canada rather than the US, so there are fewer barriers to professional mental health care, as far as I am aware. Go see a psychiatrist or clinical therapist.

You have had four major stressors in one year, and then piled on change social behaviors and change in sleep habits. It's justified. Go talk with a pro so they can hold you together with duct tape and baling wire while working out a plan for more permanent repairs.

The trick to burnout is don't believe it exists. I stopped believing I'm actually burned out, and I've experienced much less burnout by simply not giving into it. Perseverance. But actually it does exist and it can take a strong hold sometimes, but you shouldn't feel yourself "becoming" or easing into burnout. If you are, you're giving into it, letting it take you. Persist until it's an unavoidable thing, then discuss with therapist if needed. Take the advice from others about physical activity and whatnot.

Dear lostgame,

First of, I’m so, so sorry to hear. What you’ve gone through (sexual assault, twice) is something nobody should have to go through; and the loss of your mother and your breakup as well (I’ve experienced the death of a parent and a significant breakup, too).

Your courage in sharing what’s happened to you touches me. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, famously said that “if you can feel it, you can heal it.” And I think part of what you might be doing, by publicly sharing where you’re at, could perhaps be to give yourself permission to feel things more deeply, and letting yourself be witnessed doing so.

In case you’d like to consider joining our startup — we’d be honoured in considering you for a position. We’re a different kind of startup: work/life balance and authenticity is key. We’re basically starting a life-long family of people who resonate with each other :) Our product is still in development, but we’ve got an exciting brand: We are Ecstatic (accessible at ecstatic.com).

Oh! And we’re based in Vancouver, beautiful British Columbia.

Reason I’m mentioning this is because we don’t think of what we’re doing as work, but as play (in all seriousness). We call it “plorking”. Perhaps you need to find a company (such as ours) that let’s you be you throughout — no stress, just creative play.

Be well, and best wishes on your path. Whatever happens, I wish you so much happiness and peace. You deserve it. We each do.

Others have made good comments. My take (with some experience, and until I read everything else here) is: don't (ever!) give up on life, be patient, be reasonable/honest/kind toward yourself & others, and continue forward. Things will eventually be OK, especially if we try to do what we know is right.

And to help find your purpose and real balance in life, I have thought & written much at http://lukecall.net (a simple site; hopefully very skimmable; no sales; see the "life lessons" link about 1/2-way down the page, then maybe the "growth/mm" links like "emotional", and feel free to send comments). As I learn things over time, I try to add to it, in a systematic/organized/skimmable way.

All the best.

(some edits above for clarity)

edit: ps: after they rule out enough other things, CFS is a possibility. Wikpedia has a page, and more info for patients and practitioners is at https://batemanhornecenter.org . They seem honest n helpful, but hopefully that link is not useful :) .

I've been in a similar situation, and would recommend to take some time off and find a good therapist if that's possible for you.

In the Netherlands it's common to take sick leave and get paid 75% if you're sick for more than 2 months. Insurance covers the sick leave for your employer. I've been sitting at home for over a year now, working on my mental health, and just took on a new job. I can not recommend a burnout to anyone, for some outsiders it seems like I had a year-long vacation. This was definitely not the case, I hated it. It has been very healthy though in retrospect. Before my burnout I hated myself and felt like a complete failure, I thought everything was my fault.

I can highly recommend therapy as well, I've been suffering from depression for over 10 years, and finally sought out help last summer. It's trial and error, but for the first time it feels like I regained some control over my thoughts/life, and make sense of my behaviour.

In the period towards my total burnout (panic attacks/fatigue/depression), I was very irritable, emotionally unstable, drank too much, started taking drugs to handle the stress of working 50-70hrs a week and dealing with my life and deteriorating relationship with a suicidal and junkie boyfriend, amongst other things.

Taking time off, focussing on myself completely, breaking up with my boyfriend, cooking, walking and reading helped a lot. Doing small positive things. I cook for my ex now once a week, I like to see still him and just want to let him know I care about him, also it doesn't take that much energy and benefits us both.

Start saying no to people, define your boundaries, all that matters is you! Listen to your body. All the best!

Hey... PTSD is not something u can just walk away from. I was married to a girl who suffered sexual assault/ptsd before we met.... Its one of those conditions that will evolve with you and it will effect you in waves as well as via a steady undertone of anxiety.

I recommend you really focus on your healing journey. Its not something you can ignore. If you need someone random to talk to about about this with, send me an email.

Find the things you are currently grateful for and focus on that any time you feel out of it. I have faced what you are dealing with most of my life. I still have to have a routine to get out of bed every morning.

Others have said not to quit your job. I agree, you need more stability, not less. Maybe consider changing your focus? Maybe now is the time to try something new at your work, just to change some aspects of your environment. Only good can come from this from my perspective, either you realize you actually like your previous work, or you find something else more fulfilling. (and maybe less stressful?)

Helping others or even talking to others who are facing similar issues. (other comments are suggesting similar) I have found that if I talk with others who actively fight against their problems they are a help to me. If I find people who are struggling that need some help and I can help them, this also helps me.

But, the people I avoid are those that are actively not facing their problems and/or refuse to, avoid these people like the plague for the time being. (maybe down the road you will be stronger and be able to help them or tolerate them...)

You will be fine eventually. This is a temporary state of your life. This may seem trite, but it's true.

One thing I say to myself when I've been in real mental trouble, but not physical is to tell myself everything, right now, is fine. I am ok. I can do this one thing that is in front of me. This is often how I get out of bed to take a shower, this is a low stress activity that makes me feel better than staying in bed feeling terrible.

If I need to, I repeat this process through out the day. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you get some comfort and strength you are looking for.

As tired as this cliche is, I have to ask if you workout.

I found that lifting or intense cardio helps me move out of my funks.

When I'm suffering through an intense workout I don't think about anything else. When I finish the workout, I can be so exhausted that I pass out and go to sleep. that in itself is a blessing.

Lastly, so much of stress is self-imposed. You are where you are, and whatever plans you have, are determined by you.

Be safe. Good luck.

Take a long shower. Get a full night sleep. Take a sabbatical for as long as you need. Relax until you're bored. Then do whatever gives you joy. Then figure out if its your work (that is line of work etc), working conditions or something else that lead to your burn out. Make a plan to guardrail against it.

Personally for me, I need to take at least 1 personal day / 3 day weekend every month otherwise I start hating my work. I also need to take at least a week on a relaxing vacation (not sightseeing / running around doing stuff for a week!!) about every 6-8 months. I also try to work on _my_ schedule the best I can. I like to work from about 8am to 2pm and then some amount between 10pm-2am; for whatever reason those are my best working hours. Take as much time as you can to learn to listen to your body because I really think you can catch burnout before it reaches meltdown. I haven't had a proper burnout since 2016. Best of luck my friend.

Balance is of course important. But purpose is just as important. We must have good and useful reasons for everything we do. Anxiety and pain are just indicators that something is off balance or being done without good purpose and reason. The question we must all ask ourselves is, what am I even here for? Why am I alive today? What is my purpose? Whatever conclusion we come to, everything in our lives must flow from that purpose of existence. And when things don't seem to line up or add up, then we have to start back at square one and ask ourselves if our estimation of our purpose was wrong, and use the new hard earned life experience to try to figure it out all over again, and make everything flow from that, and keep repeating until we finally have a life without these internal alarms going off.

Priotize health for sure. That's the base. Everything else will come easier on a foundation of good health.

If you’re looking for someone to talk to about how you’ve been feeling and how better to cope, I highly recommend texting crisistextline.org

(I’m a volunteer counselor there.) The conversation is purely over text, with someone you listens non-judgementally and can offer coping strategies.

I haven’t read a lot of the comments, but I agree with not quitting your job. Looking for another though, maybe something to look at, at some point. For me a vacation overseas (I choose south east Asia) where there are beautiful beaches and people who like to have a chat, has done me wonders to get me back on track. I forget about the world back home, create new connections (even for a bit), and drop anxiety because the pressure of just being some where so foreign seems to force it out of me. When I get back I always seem to have a new sense of self. I can imagine it wont work for everyone and I could have got lucky on the nice people Ive met, but now I swear by a trip at least once a year for my sanity.

It sounds like time to get back into mental health treatment so you can deal with the trauma because workaholism is no longer working as a distraction.

The end of a close relationship, sexual assault, and the passing of your mother are each things that can seriously challenge your self-concept in difficult ways. They also will take a toll on your ability to trust others. Together it sounds like too much too fast to be processed outside of survival mode.

If you can't get into individual therapy, maybe you can find a support group? Even something phone or chat based is better than nothing.

Please know that you are not alone and there are a lot of us here who have struggled and continue to struggle. And go for walks with no phone or music!

- at work ask for a task outside of your normal job responsibilities / something different to try and change your thinking

- find someone to share / bounce your concerns with or simply to hangout with

- volunteer to a kitchen soup or some community event ( you will see with your own eyes real pain and struggle)

- visit a church or a social group therapy where people share their stories and find methods to help or recommend help to one another

- buy a camper and work remotely. Park that thing near a lake or water, sunset or sunrise close to a water scenery helps you think and appreciate little things in life that we take for granted due to the craziness that takes most of our daily routine.

Good luck mate. Seek help. It’s out there, you just have to find it. -

There is a possibility you could take a short term leave combined with a honest vacation where you do nothing but sit and collect dust. Time in nature without distraction is a big help I find.

I wish you all the best, remember to be nice to yourself as you are to others.

I want to let you know I am going through a similar situation. I did not quit work but I am taking a break from my work.

Have a wall or separation between work and life; find balance. Do not make work a priority in your life, separate the two.

Ask yourself brings you joy and happiness and just do it. Work does not define you, it should be a means to bring about joy and happiness.

If work is a place where you cannot achieve balance or a really negative place, I would work there until you find a better environment.

If work is a positive place, focus on what you have, reach out to people, ask them if they felt the same way and how they manage those feelings.

I wish you the best of luck on your search to find balance in your life.

1. Therapy, therapy, therapy. If it's not helping, change therapists until it does.

2. Find activities that help you recharge. It took me a long time to understand that "having fun" and recharging are not the same thing.

3. Look into the possibility of hiring a personal assistant to manage things like cooking and laundry, at least until your symptoms are more manageable.

4. Someone else recommended "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It's an excellent book that I always recommend, but I don't know if it's up to the task of helping with PTSD. Go into it understanding that it will help with a lot of your problems, but probably not all of them.

This is not work burnout my friend this is something far more caused by all you have gone through. I am assuming the "medical professional" you mentioned is some sort of mental health counselor, and is so that is great, if not definitely find one. In addition you may want to look into some sort of group therapy session. Speaking with people who have gone through what you have (most of us on this thread have not) is going to go a long way towards getting you the advice you need. On top of that human contact with those that have been through something similar is likely going to be helpful.

I recommend googling support groups in your area.

All the best.

I've been writing a series called Notes to a Young Software Engineer, and handling burnout was one of my first posts.

Most importantly, see a licensed medical professional. Burnout is often confused for other health issues, and you may not be dealing with burnout, but rather a larger health issue (e.g., PTSD).

If it is truly burnout, some that work for me are treating my body well, cultivating human relationships, and addressing root causes at work.

https://www.nemil.com/on-software-engineering/beware-burnout...

First, sorry to hear about your situation. Hang in there. Then, absolutely take a break from work. Don't try to power it through.

The inherent stresses of day to day work will be multiplied by 100x because of your emotional state. Take a break;

Seek therapy. Not those useless psychologists that just hear you and say nothing. The professional must actively talk to you, understand your situation and give you the wisdom you lack to get out of your emotional trauma.

Very important too, don't dwell in the past. Most people keep reliving that which has passed. Look forward. Seek what motivates you. What inspires you. Restart with a clean mind.

First off, don't quit your job. Your job provides a routine for you to follow. Otherwise, you could begin to slip even further down the hole.

Next, you mentioned PTSD from sexual assault. This isn't burnout. You need professional psychiatric help. Please get it ASAP and stop reading random internet comments (like this one).

But if you can't find an appointment for a few weeks/months, some of the symptoms might be fixed with a multivitamin (OneADay or a generic equivalent - it doesn't push too far above 100% FDA daily value except for B12 and D, which are actually beneficial sometimes in higher doses).

Please don't count on EIP if you leave your job on your own. Employment insurance only kicks in if you are laid off or let go . You may be able to go on long term disability but please consult a lawyer.

I'm really sorry to hear this.

I can't say anything I've been through approaches what you've gone through. However, I have been burnt out recently with chronic health issues. I have some PTSD from some child abuse I went through, which means I struggle with burnout and stress a fair amount.

The hardest thing I've is the pressure we put on ourselves. Nobody is judging us harder than ourselves. There's nothing wrong with finding a work environment that is pretty laid back, and cut yourself lots of slack. I did this when my first child was born, and knew having a kid would really push me, especially given my abuse background. I stuck with a pretty 'maintenance mode' project, and wasn't stressing too much about work. I was certainly lucky to be in that kind of situation.

Definitely seek out mental health help (maybe you are as you're on a mental health break?). There are a lot of techniques for overcoming PTSD. EMDR, for example, is one very effective technique. There's also somatic psychotherapy. You can do this. Seek out support. And if you don't like your therapist, don't hesitate to switch. A good therapist can be a very personal decision.

If you work at a good place, and you feel safe doing so, maybe consider talking to your supervisors about your situation? I think it's tricky knowing whether to do this, and maybe you feel safe, but maybe you're afraid of the consequences? Both would be understandable. If you have a lot of trust in your workplace, talking about it would at least give them context for what you're going through, and you might be able to collaborate on a path forward that gets you help and gets you to a place in your career you can be laid back for a while. I've had positive results talking about my own issues to colleagues, but I know not every work place or boss is the same...

Culturally, Westerners are supposed to be cheery and happy all the time. I don't think this is reasonable. Forgive yourself and cut yourself lots of slack. I'm can be somewhat grumpy a fair amount, especially when sleep is impacted! Your negative emotions are perfectly valid and I think it's a shame we all feel stigmatized by expressing them in social situations

Best of luck to you!

That sounds really rough. I hope you’re okay.

One thing that has helped me when I’m low is letting myself know it’s okay to just get a little bit done.

I don’t need to be unhappy my whole room hasn’t been cleaned, I can be happy at least I cleared out the used dishes.

Making sure most things aren’t an all or nothing proposition has been helpful in maintaining a more positive attitude for me.

“Boom at least did five pushups!”.

“Bang got those books in a neat pile!”.

It may not be a lot, but maybe you too can also receive some joy from the little things you’re rocking out daily.

All the best of luck and more peaceful times ahead lostgame.

It really depends on your work relationship with your manager and peers. If you have a great manager i’m sure they’ll be understanding enough to balance work responsibilities that you can go through the rough patch without resorting to quitting.

I can only imagine what you’re going through. As others have said, give yourself permission to feel. It’s okay to cry, to be angry (don’t break things tho) to feel like shit, to have a bit of insomnia.

Surround yourself with close friends, be easy on yourself and remember that time heals most wounds.

I would suggest to scale down a bit from work, you have already completed almost 1/4th of your career and if it gives you stress now, imagine 30 more years of it.

Then try to start helping people in anyway you can, like crossing a road, or buying coffee for a stranger, or go to a elder community..

These kinds of small acts will give your breathing space to think and enrich the mind and bring in more positivity.

Always remember that first thing is to get out of bad thoughts.. Therapy as someone said might also help , but it comes to affordability.

My two cents: give yourself some time; try to take it easy on the job (even if you feel pressure to complete -- "force" yourself to take it easy) or find another job. It's incredible how a little time goes a long way in relieving many symptoms of distress. And then, add some enjoyable things in moderation to your routine, like a hobby, playing music, dancing, etc, to help divert worry from the job (and reward yourself with satisfying activities).

Sorry to read of your struggles. i nearly skipped to reading the next item of interest but i recall how important it can be to echo "hang in there, as bad as things get, know that life is cyclical and it will get better, given time, perseverance, and reflecting"...aka 'always darkest before dawn'.

I cannot advise on the job, but the sooner you can communicate your burnout/work-behind status, certainly the better to improving your day.

Dunno if anyone else has mentioned this, but go get a full medical work up. I was feeling like you - traumatic divorce, much stress, etc. as that eased the burn out didn’t get better.

Finally went to get chemical help for the anxiety, and in the process found out: I was diabetic, hypertensive, and had a tumor causing a hormone imbalance (that probably triggered the first two symptoms).

Even if It turns out there is nothing medically wrong, it’s worth the time and effort.

Unplug, get away. Travel. Run, eat healthy, do yoga, meditate, take psychedelics (?).. and re-discover what you love about life. Make new friends.

It's been a very tough transition for me after a complete burnout two years ago.

Now I am divorced and the healthiest I have been in a long time.

I took a pay cut but I am enjoying my work again. Unplug. You can retool later when you actually care again.

Life is so much more than stupid computers, corporate bs and the technical puzzles we fret over.

Consider MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.

It has shown great promise in treating PTSD, even severe, treatment-resistant PTSD.[1][2]

[1] - https://maps.org/research/mdma

[2] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MDMA-assisted_Psychotherapy

First, I am very sorry, especially for the loss of your mother.

The answer I am about to suggest works wonders for me, and for lots of people I know, but is not for everybody. My answer is to suggest you seek out relief through religion. (Choose wisely, meaning investigate non-radical variants that center on improving world conditions.) Religion is known to have many benefits, including mental health benefits.

Good luck to you.

“... two separate cases of sexual assault, and the passing of my mother.”

First of all I’m very sorry!!! I think that you could benefit a lot from a professional to help you heal from this. If you are up to it perhaps pursuing legal action to get justice might help.

When I lost my dad I got very numb and it was only a bunch of time and counseling that helped me recognize that and reconnect.

As most have suggested quitting without anything else in hand is indeed not a good idea BUT that doesn't mean you should stay at your job.

You need routine, not a job per se.

So if you are financially secure you could consider going to school for a year, and get a degree in something that interests you. It can be a nice reset, while impacting your career and life for the positive.

Is it possible to ask to work part time? Get 1-2 more days off to focus on health, personal projects, familly and friends.

Wow. I don't even know what to say or what kind of advice to offer other than, if you need a friend or somebody to talk to, I am here. Seriously. I've been through trauma and I think I can empathize, although certainly have no idea what you're going through. I am SO sorry.

I think a lot of offered advice here is very good. Do you exercise with any regularity? If not I would strongly suggest it. Exercise had a powerful effect on the brain at well as the body and can help you regulate yourself. Also, be sure to get some sunshine. Vitamin D is very important.

Second the comments about not quitting your job -- so long as your job does not overwork you. My added advice would be to have goals and find something to look forward to that you can hope to see through. Work on yourself as well, do things unrelated to work or tech outside of work.

I’m no expert but a few suggestions that have helped me in the past: a holiday to clear the mind, work is not your identity you need some free time from it, and it’s important to enjoy work so perhaps a more fun workplace or a change if your boss gives you anxiety? Hope this helps

I feel I need to disclaimer what I'm about to write so here goes.

Disclaimer: It's not my intention to offend anyone or brag or trivialize this. This is me asking a question out of curiosity and concern for my wellbeing.

Ok so, everytime I read about someone having a burnout or taking 3 months off to recover from burnout etc, I immediately think "oh here we go again, another crybaby". I know that everyone is different and everyone has their limits and that is ok. But I can't help but compare with myself and then I end up in the same question:

"Are all these people just weak, quick to complain, taking advantage of an employer, bad at managing their feelings and time OR am I just too hard on myself?"

While reading the OP's text, I have had some of the things they had, not everything. Reading other people's burnout stories sound familiar. I've had big breakups, I've had long steaks of overwork with little return in the expected results to be generated, I've had days where motivation was lacking for anything, not just work, I've had days where the lack of sleep causes lack of focus and motivation which causes more lack of sleep etc, and the list goes on.

What I find myself doing is just powering through. It might take a week or a month or three, but I end up fine or better than before. I don't know if that means I am stronger or better OR just not as burnt out as these other people. When talking with family and friends I have often said that what I want/need is more free time from work. That way I can relax and feel less stressed, and hopefully in due time work on some of my projects and ideas, yet so far I've been doing a normal 40 hours/week job with extra times often. I have tried to change my times to 4 days a week or 6 hours a day unsuccessfully so far. I sometimes feel I'm wasting this time.

How do you actually know is you are burnt out? How do you know if you can overcome it alone? How do I know if I'm not burnt out or if I'm strong enough to overcome it or if I'm stupid enough to ignore the signs or if everyone else is weak or if everyone else is doing the right thing?

That's all. I wish you best of luck and hope you feel better soon. Work is always better when it can be something you're proud of, and excited to go to. Again, I mean no disrespect to you or anyone else. This is my brain dumping all my thoughts and concerns in the hopes that I might get some interesting advice or food for thought. Thank you.

Does your boss/supervisor have any idea what you've been going through? Depending on the trust level between you guys, it may help "hint" your situation. See if there is room to discuss minimizing hours/stress/duties or even taking a short leave.

Firstly, it's a very positive sign that you're reaching out. That is usually the biggest hurdle. Getting professional help is the first critical step. Connecting with someone who has been through this and come out the other side (and there's thousands out there) is the second. With the greatest respect to others here, I disagree that continuing to go to work is a must. Looking after your health is the priority here, otherwise the ability to go to work might be taken away due to the physical limitations that inevitably come with Burnout. How do I know this? See below. Meanwhile, if you hit me up via email or LinkedIn, Id be MORE than happy to set up a call. If my 5 years experience in managing this proves to be of some value, then I'm happy to give up 30 mins of my time. In the meantime, please take care. https://www.rebuildingburnout.com/about-me

Do what you can to find happiness again. Rest is important. Lower your stress levels.

Talk to a professional before quitting your Job. HN is great but not able to tell you what to do here. A therapist can help you come up with a plan. They can help you evaluate if it's working.

All the comments here are amazing, but one extra thing to add is if you have a good manager, work with that person to lighten your load. Having less to worry about at work will go a long ways into making sure you are able to recover more quickly.

You mention you are in Canada. I am guessing your job comes with a group benefits plan? Please take advantage of it. Benefits will typically range from reimbursement for therapy sessions all the way to short and long term disability coverage.

I've found great calm in doing long walks. Especially on the way down from a good uphill hike when it's super early and there's noone else in the park.

For me it's sort of like forced meditation.

May better days be just around the corner for ya :)

Read “Feeling Good” by John Burns, and be sure to do the exercises in the book.

You need a break from work and proper medical attention.

Go speak to a doctor about if they can help you get the right papers so you can get an income and days off. That’s what the procedure is in Sweden.

> While on an insured mental health break for months

Keep your head up! 99,99% of this planet doesn't have mental health insurance. I had no idea it even existed.

Why does every single "Ask HN" get downvoted?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7La8-caCXpQ

Dumb question: But have you taken a longish vacation? And I mean one that's 3-4 weeks or more that has nothing to do with work?

Pretty irrelevant, but why does OP post show as gray? Usually it is because of downvoted, but this one is upvoted.

Totally normal. Build something. Get those creative juices flowing again. Your new career will choose you.

1. Exercise 2. Eat healthy 3. Reduce hours worked per day 4. Spend time with friends and family

You're going to be okay.

You do have a huge amount of stress in your life. Plenty of people would break down under half that. (Seriously, suppose it was one sexual assault and the breakup. That is enough to fuck a lot of people up.)

I can't tell whether you already know this stuff. If so you can skip this paragraph:

If I came into my therapist's office and told her I had your symptoms, she would tell me that I had anxiety and depression from all the stress I was carrying around. I know this because I've already done it. I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to think of myself as crazy (mental illness has a lot of stigma attached to it), so I resisted for a year or two. But eventually my problems got serious enough that I couldn't deal with them any other way. Waiting caused me a lot of trouble. I'm still pissed that I can't get those years back.

I've never had PTSD, so I don't know what a therapist would say about your symptoms. But I do know PTSD is treatable, as are anxiety and depression. The treatments aren't as easy as taking a pill (though the option is there). They work slowly, and they're process-oriented, so they discourage you from asking when do I get better? But the time does come when you feel normal again.

A few pieces of random advice:

- Stop working until you get this sorted out. Mental health issues tend to take away your ability to introspect. You could get worse without realizing it, cause a lot of problems for your employer, maybe get fired and have a black mark on your record.

- You may not want to tell your employer why you're leaving. I don't know what the culture is like in Toronto, but in the US people can get a little strange about mental illness. Unless you get special mental health benefits or something (and maybe even then) it's a good idea to just say "personal issues" when they ask you why you're leaving.

- You say you have a medical person. In the US medical people dispense drugs and see you once every month or two. Therapists see you every week, and they help you solve the majority of your problems. If it's an option, find a therapist that you like. You may have to sit through a couple of duds. My therapist is the primary reason I'm healthy today.

- Understand that one possible endgame here is a breakdown where you suddenly can't work or screw something up catastrophically (I've been there too :-). Try to be graceful about it, but one way or another you should put everything down so you can focus on getting better.

- my email's in my profile if you want to talk.

Try vaping high cbd hemp flower daily after work for about two months. You can mix it with thc flower to achieve a full spectrum entourage effect. Relax. Listen to music. Let your mind wander and take you places.

Get off the amphetamines, if you're on any. Modafinil, Ritalin, whatever.

Go on this 10 day vipassana retreat: https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index. It will immensely help you. (its free including lodging and food for 10 days)

Read “The Body Keeps Score” and “Full Catastrophe Living”

My deepest sympathies - that is quite a lot to go through in just one year. I have had my own battles with mental health issues, but never so concentrated (just protracted). Like others, I really think you need to find a therapist first. As for the modality, what immediately comes to mind is integrative [1]. CBT or Jungian would not be good options though, for various reasons.

A reputable therapist ought to offer a free first session (or half) to see how you two get along and it gives them a sense of what you're struggling with. It may take a few tries to find someone you click with (or a competent one), but stay at it. The exact modality does not matter so much as the quality of the relationship between client and therapist; Bowlby's attachment theory explains this in more detail (e.g. secure attachment == good parenting).

I went through burnout a few years ago (quit the badly run by sociopaths startup), went thru a good period (i.e. taking time off), got desperate for work (bad idea, but couldn't focus on what I'd planned to (aka get out of IT))), got a job, things were ok - and then went downhill again (the dead cat bounce) due to various environmental factors and also not really addressing some internal issues. So don't do what I did.

As for the job, you can always get another one (you're young enough). Again, don't do what I did - I had a ton of responsibility in the startup job and so put up with a lot of crap because a) I thought I was indispensable, b) all the tech was my baby, etc. At the end of the day, I finally realized too late I owned zero equity and the founders were deliberately exploiting me. Your company sounds much better, but still, too much identification with "the job" is endemic in IT and tends to lead to burnout.

And the PTSD worries me for some reason... just my intuition. So don't procrastinate (like I did...) Good luck.

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/therapy-types/integrative...

[edit] I see you have a psychiatrist - good, but you should do talk based therapy also IMO - it may be my biases, but psychiatrists are only appropriate for biological based issues. It is the difference in the training. A stereotype perhaps, but when debugging software, do you immediately reach for the soldering iron and start replacing chips?

I'm very sorry to hear about your experience.

I went through a rough patch recently with mental health too. I know how hard it can be but I have come out the other side a much stronger person and a lot clearer on what is important in life. Always hang in there, it gets better.

Everyone is different I know and I don't claim to be an expert but thought it might be worth listing some of the big things that helped me and seems to help a lot of others as well, just in case you find something:

- Exercise like you've never exercised before. If you ever had dreams of getting in shape or conquering a fitness challenge nothing motivated me more than knowing I might feel a little bit better mentally for it afterwards.

- Sleep. I got serious about making sure I got a good night sleep which was extremely hard at times. All the sleep hygiene tips are worth learning. Not getting too hot at night, blocking out all light, ear plugs, sleep meditations, stretching before bed, reading something calm and positive before bed, writing everything on your mind down so you can let it go etc etc

- Every day writing down 3 things I'm grateful for (even small things like a warm cup of tea), 1 happy thing that happened in the last 24 hours and 1 thing I'm looking forward to. There's something to all the gratitude diary stuff.

- Meditation and mindfulness were often the best way to get a break from it. Learning these skills is one of the best things I've ever done.

- Controlled breathing gave me some control of my nervous system. To calm things down and slow my thoughts (especially in the middle of the night) I personally found the 4-7-8 breathing technique worked well for me if done properly but there's lot of others taught in yoga etc as well.

- Socialise and talk to people a lot, even if you don't feel like it.

- Help others. It is the right thing to do and it feels good and takes the focus off you.

- Learn new things, take on new challenges, things that you have no expectations about.

- Possibly the hardest but best lesson I learnt of all though was not to buy into the negative thoughts my brain was having. Realising that I'm only thinking that way because of the state my brain is in and that the state it is in today isn't necessarily the state it will be in tomorrow, next week or next month. The world is a great and amazing place. If it doesn't seem that way right now it's just because of the state I'm in now but that state will change and when it does change the world does indeed seem great and amazing again.

I also tend to agree with the advice of staying in your job. For me there was an element of not being able to deal with too much but at the same time, running from all responsibility and work wasn't the answer either so it was a balance to be found until I could get back to full capacity. Taking on as much responsibility as I could handle at each step helped to improve my self worth and helped a lot too. But that's just me so I hope you find what is best for you.

Hang in there and best of luck to you!

First of all, good job on taking a mental health break. I was burned out at this time last year and should have asked for a sabbatical, but I thought I could tough it out. I ended up having a falling out with my work and we parted ways. A few thoughts off the top of my head:

* Do a health assessment, maybe a physical/checkup, and address any digestive or sleep issues. I had undiagnosed sleep apnea for 10-20 years which lead to severe fatigue, then acquired IBS from (I think) a meat deficiency and lack of fiber while bodybuilding, similar to what vegetarians get after 3 years if they don't meticulously watch their nutrition. I thought it was leaky gut from a sensitivity to legumes and nightshades (Dr. Gundry has info about this) but in my case, I think it was that I had substituted legumes for meat so had worn through my gut lining and also wasn’t making serotonin from tryptophan in the gut. Anyway, I went heavy on the meat and took some prenatal vitamins for a week and my digestion and mood improved within a matter of days. It was honestly a miracle.

* If your physical health is fine, start working on your mental health. I just found out a few days ago that I probably have ADHD, after reading this article on HN https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22129777 about it. I also discovered that I have task anxiety felt as a pain between my chest and stomach when I need to do something I’m wary of (I thought I only had depression). Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has helped, mainly that I acknowledge negative thoughts as they come in and then let them pass, similar to with meditation. And I use The Secret/Manifestation to take negative thoughts like “I so don’t want to help them fix their website” with “thank creation that another opportunity fell in my lap, even though I can only save the lead right now until I’m feeling stronger”.

* My guess is that you have too much emotional baggage in your head that hasn’t been garbage collected. It will take you a period of time proportional to however long something was scribbling the hard drive in your head to recover from it. In my case, I normally do PHP and mobile development, but learned Java and Ruby for projects within 6 months that filled my head with anti-patterns that I had long ago stopped using. So I was mainly fixing mistakes in the code which I never would have made, which severely taxed my motivation. I was also on call at night 1 week out of every 3 so wasn’t dreaming. So I got so discombobulated that I was reverse engineering tasks all the way to their beginning and realizing that the entire project would have to be rewritten to make any changes. That annoyed the client and dropped my productivity to 10%. I’ve also been through PTSD due to the death of a friend 15 years ago that I felt responsible for, so slipped back into very dark and negative thought patterns of the whole world being against me. Which I realize now is what happens when someone has doubts about or loses their faith - what we might call a midlife crisis.

* If decluttering your mind through meditation and perhaps counseling feels too overwhelming right now, you can start with your immediate surroundings. I just spent the last few weeks cleaning my home office and shredding paperwork from 15 years ago. I had worked through burnout to depression 6 months ago due to my girlfriend having me do a bunch of home improvement projects around the house which got me over my starting friction. But cleaning my surroundings got me from depression to anxiety as my todo list shrank enough that I could see the forest for the trees. My task anxiety was so crippling that I was going days between getting even one thing done. But I discovered that by separating the thinking from the doing by building my todo list during one time period and working through it during another time period, I was able to act as my own boss. That let me visualize where I needed to be long term and then get into the zone while tasking, because it’s easier for me to do what other people tell me. While burned out, we often lose our ability to self-start.

* I don’t really have a fifth point, so a here’s a bunch grouped together: forgive yourself, be patient with yourself in your recovery, know that you are not alone (literally millions of people in the US alone struggle with burnout and depression), try to have as many emotional free expression tasks in your life as analytical so that you can do something constructive instead of procrastinate, talk to others who are struggling like yourself even if it’s just online forums and chat rooms.

I would say that I am pretty much back to normal, but unfortunately I haven’t really programmed in months. I am really, really struggling with the idea of going back to work. I need to, but feel uncomfortable taking on a full time job right now. I’ve been looking at freelancing, but unfortunately freelancer.com and upwork.com are completely saturated with 10-25 (as many as 85!) coder applications submitted for every contract I’m interested in. I’m trying the gig economy, but it’s kind of the off-season right now where I live so am only making $50-75 here and there. I’m looking into non-programming work that doesn’t emphasize problem solving as much - perhaps CAD or copywriting. I’m eager to work and full of energy and ideas, I just.. can’t write code.. right now. I’m hoping to get my blog back up and write some in-depth articles about the logistical side of programming and ADHD/PTSD/burnout/depression/anxiety, about solutions for when technical hurdles are not the problem. I’m up for anything, if anyone is in the same boat or needs help writing/planning/designing something.

Go on a very very long vacation!

Here's what I would advise. Do not under any circumstances quit your job. I've lived through a similar scenario, and while I had a ton of savings, quitting my job resulted in chaos. Poor sleep schedule, dropping motivation, etc. I would get a therapist. Secondly, if your job is stressful, try and find another developer job at a large slow moving, mediocre paying corporation. Mostly recovering from burnout takes time, you just need to weather it out.

Watch Office Space, and learn the lessons from there. It's just a job. You might actually be better at it if you don't give as much of a fuck - caring too much tends to lead you to taking on too much work, and that can only end in disappointment and burnout for everyone involved.

It's important to have some sort of a life outside of work, and to _prioritize it_.

Hi young man, this is not burnout. You seem to have reached the point where your outer ideas of life no longer serve the organic inner ideas of life per se, and so you have been creating all sort of pain around yourself in order to notice that the conflict you've created can no longer be maintained.

Go back some years to where you last re-wrote your self-definition and take out anything that's not real. This kind of struggle is one where you are going to have to extricate yourself from your thoughts and ideas, otherwise known as illusions, about life, and become an actual self-reliant/psychological adult .. which is supposed to happen at this stage/age.

If you can manage to keep your work connection as a means of everyday grounding, by all means do that while you mourn the end of childhood.

Anyhow, you wrote in the comments: Now that it's done, I feel like I can relax a bit and also accept that things can go poorly and it doesn't have to be devastating.

And that's the truth. I would underline it. Remember it while your emotions suggest that you should feel like shit. Then it will pass. Its not fair, its not easy, but adulthood is worth it.