Now I am in a team with about 10 super eager software developers who constantly try to improve the code base and know the ins and outs of the libraries they are using. Some are very highly respected in their fields.
That's generally great, however I can't connect emotionally and mentally with them. I mean I wanted to work there, bought books and was so excited to dig deeper into this new topic.
Now I am one of two in the team who has a wife and kids. I chip away my tasks, do them fairly well, but everyone around me brings out new solutions and general improvements to the code base. This is a) intimating, b) I wouldn't even know how to start to catch up on them and c) I feel like I lost the lust to constantly keep up with new tools other bored developers wrote.
I feel like I lost this special "I am unstoppable" gene and don't actually want to tinker and hack in my free time anymore. Every time I want to help out with a project of a friend, and something is not working, I am thinking "why should I fix this stupid problem when I could read a book or just chill".
I feel generally less excited about programming and actually don't know what to do. I tried to apply for engineering manager positions, since this is what I did in the past year (although not on my resume) but I made people do the work for me somehow because I just couldn't bring my hands to write that piece of code needed.
Did this ever happen to some of you? What direction should I take?
But that was 10 years ago. Now I don't have work email on my phone, I work freelance, so I get to decide on what I want to do next; and work in general just doesn't take up that high a priority anymore (being a freelance contractor has helped me develop this trait of "I'm here to do work for your company, and you pay me").
I enjoy working on side projects and learning new stuff, and one side project I started 8 years ago is still profitable to this day, but I wouldn't have started it anymore today, the motivation and naivite just don't exist anymore, plus since I have a family to support, it would be too risky to start that big of a side project.
Maybe it's time to just take a step back and assess what your long term goals are and in general what you want to achieve in life.
And it also reminded me of this: http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html
"I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. It hurts to see that sentence written down. I squirm to avoid it. But if there weren't something real there, why would I squirm? The fact is, once you have kids, you're probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. Only one idea at a time can be the top idea in your mind. Once you have kids, it will often be your kids, and that means it will less often be some project you're working on."
It sounds like you are in a good spot to soak up knowledge from people that are highly respected in their fields. Try to understand what these improvements and new solutions offer to the product. It is possible that the eager devs are just spinning their wheels and/or reinventing wheels because of new shiny libraries. If they truly are very advanced in their fields, I can't imagine your manager has the same expectations of you and them. Maybe your role is to bang out awesome work that helps them keep their brains engaged in the very advanced work they do (you didn't describe what it was but it sounds more than CRUD apps).
Another approach is to recognize you are a professional and that there are times where you simply aren't motivated. I'm sure this happens in other professions. There are days/weeks I just am bored doing what we do. Software development of business applications just isn't terribly exciting. Figuring out problems and creating things in code is fun though. Think about what brought you into software development, maybe there is an ember still there you can slowly get burning again.
This phase is generally difficult to deal with. Somehow we have a strong identity with our career and leaving that feels bad for whatever reason. And when people are surprised, it almost makes you feel guilty. But when I got over that I realised if we take these temporary emotions out of equation it makes sense to move on and start over. Our analytical mind would always come handy in whatever we do.
In my case what helped me was while I was clear I lost interest in technology I had to do some soul searching to find out on what I wanted to do instead. This took some time for me to figure out. And some more time to figure out on how to monetise it. But the effort is worth it.
But I think it would be difficult for anybody to tell you what direction you need to take. It depends on what actually you want to do.It could be managing, consulting on domain, freelancing, taking up a different route, anything else you always liked but were not thinking as a career choice.It also depends on the compromises you can make.
Some deep introspection helps. Maybe this phase goes away as well. Give it sometime and watch what you think about often. That might give a clue. If it is a new journey, talk to people who have done that, chart out a plan before taking a plunge. All the best.
Just an idea. But yeah, can relate.