So, I've been the lead software developer for a startup for quite some time now. I love my job and the people I work with, and I'm happy to see the business growing at a faster rate than ever before. As part of my job, I spend a lot of time planning and meeting with other people (department heads, B2B partners and of course members of my own team). I'm basically the company's "point person" on all things tech / software related.
That leads me to my current dilemma which is that I've decided that I can no longer ignore an issue that I've dealt with for as long as I can remember: gender dysphoria. I'm so exhausted. My entire life has become work because I've "checked out" in my personal life due to the pain of having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I can barely look at a mirror anymore and I'm pretty much living my life day-by-day despite being successful in my career and everyone being so "proud" of me. I want to live a real life and not one where I'm pretending to be someone who appears to have their life together.
All that said, I'm worried about what will happen with my job. I'll definitely be "stealth" for quite some time but I expect there will be a point where the people I work with will find out. My coworkers are people that have been part of my life (or several years in some cases and none of them have any idea about this. I'm afraid they'll figure out what's going on and honestly I can't continue to avoid dealing with this myself.
So I guess my questions are:
1. Has anyone else been through this and how did you deal with it? 2. How will my team and other managers perceive me as a lead if they find out? 3. Should I stay where I am and open up to my coworkers or just cut ties with everyone and find another job where I'm starting new?
Thanks in advance.
The initial announcement was awkward but the company supported her. She must have been in talks with them for a while. At the announcement meeting, she told us she would come back as a female after a short vacation period. HR attended the meeting. They followed up with a clear statement they support her transition and wouldn't tolerate any harassment.
For me, the hardest part was keeping the pronouns correct when talking about them in the 3rd person. Most people respected her after the transition and leadership do not treat her any differently. Some of the people didn't accept her after the transition but HR did not tolerate any harassment. I think she lost some work "friends" but overall she is a lot happier. I think it was totaly worth it. She eventually changed jobs and her new reports don't treat her differently.
I would suggest stay in your current job until you decide to change, then switch it up for your own sanity. Fresh you fresh job fresh day to day, you know.