Any good essay on midlife crisis?

Since early ages I have this recurring paranoiac feeling that somewhere in the future a grave is already prepared for me. (which is true for all of us). If you imagine your life like a movie and you scroll to the end then ..

Not sure if it's midlife crisis though. (couldn't find a better naming).

With ages this theme comes more often and more deep, previously I managed to force myself to ignore it. Tried to find some answers in philosophy books/essays, but it always leaves me with the feeling that I'm just building a house of cards that blows away as soon as I close the book. The last couple of time it came my body started to shake. Previously I was somehow convinced that it's just me imagining the wrong thing, it wasn't affecting me physically.

Do you have it? if so how do you handle it? any good reads on the subject?