How do you deal with being a failure?

If at all possible fit two hours of cardio a day into your schedule. For general fitness, weight training is a higher priority, but cardio is the most powerful weapon against depression.

Go to your primary care physician, discuss your symptoms, get any tests they recommend (e.g. thyroid) -- ask about a prescription for an SNRI (Effexor) or a SSRI (sertraline).

They will start you off on a low dose, you should follow up about effectiveness and side effects in two weeks or so. You might try a few different dosages of a few different meds before you get the best response.

Also get a referral for a talk therapist, while you are waiting for the meds to hit.

If the talk therapy and meds and exercise are not working for you, then get a referral to a psychiatrist who prescribes meds and handles more difficult cases.

Do the above in the order I said.

There are many other lifestyle things that could work for you such as: going to church, getting a pet, learning a new skill, doing volunteer work, etc.

ive exploded my life so many times its unreal, the key for me at least is to look back and take stock of what youve actually achieved. i was a very early bitcoin miner, and i mean when it was worth less than £1, i spent every one, had i saved even 10% of whats passed through my hands id be set for life, people often ask me if i have regrets, i dont.

the reason why is that i look back on my life and realize ive managed to do so many things i never thought i would, ive been simply chatting about things ive done and had people worth millions say "id love to do that" i always ask why and they make excuses, usually "work commitments" despite the fact they already have more than enough to retire on, they have success but got so caught up in it they forgot to live along the way.

so you made a bad choice, write it off, put it behind you and move on and remember to have fun along the way, id rather die broke with a head full of awesome memories than on a pile of money with no worthwhile experience.

theres probably a balance in there somewhere but ive never been much good at finding it. its dark times now sure but youll get things back on track again and if life treats you anything like it treats me itll probably get ripped apart again at some point but if you dont take chances youll never get anywhere, id rather regret something i did than wonder what may have happened had i not taken the chance

but then im probably no example of how anyone should live their life

First things first, your health is important. See a GP and possibly also get a referral to a suitable therapist. You appear to be severely depressed and understandably so. So professional help is critical.

You are not alone. Many of us have had similar setbacks to you. Recognise the sunk cost fallacy aspect of it. What has happened is in the past. Extract the learnings from the experience so that you will embark upon new projects and not repeat those mistakes.

"It's darkest before dawn." -- let the sunshine in and pick a new adventure.

My guess is that your living with a lot of guilt about something important in your life. You need to go to therapy and talk to someone about this conception of yourself. Viewing yourself as a failure and acknowledging failure are two very different things. One will eat you alive, the other can set you free.

Please talk to a therapist about this and be completely open and honest with them, even if it costs you a lot to do so, because you won’t be able to find where you should go next until you’ve dealt with your past.