One month ago, I started another job at a FAANG style company which is much smaller and much more "startup like" but even that seems unappealing and not very engaging to me. I'm already thinking about quitting.
I know that all of this may sound entitled,self-centered etc. but I hate myself, I've been depressed for over a year and just want to stop feeling this way and be happy and proud about my job. How can I achieve it?
I asked her what her secret was, and she said: "Prior to this I ran a startup." She went into more detail: (1) the corporate world is political and can be painful, but this can be appreciated -- the problems are very different and you almost never have to worry about your pay check at least, (2) most corporations have great resources and networks for learning new skills and meeting people -- this is really great.
Tim Ferris also made a comment once about something related -- ambition and life intensity is like working out... You need months/years that are intense, and ones that are rest periods to recover.
Maybe this is your rest period? Maybe it's a time to take a step back?
This is also a fantastic book on taking a step back: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B004ZY23TS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_...
I hope that helps...
My 20+ year career has been a bit unorthodox in that I started in family businesses, moved on to Fortune 10, then to small business and then into startups starting as employee then founder and now back to employee.
Before I became an employee after having my own startups I had to figure out what I wanted to do, and where I was mentally. I had exited reasonably successfully from two of the few startups I had in the past 10 years, so it was mainly about what do I want to do next. For me, I saw being an employee as a bit of a break, although knowing me I know it won't last. Something that is more obvious to me today, after having been an employee again for almost 4 years now, is that being an employee can be just as hard as being a founder, just in different ways.
In the end, there are people that just are not cut out to be good employees, but make great founders (and vice-versa). If that's you then great, just set yourself up and get to it. If you are neither a good/great founder and struggling at being a decent employee then most likely you need some self reflection and reasonable expectation setting. I have run into a number of people that sucked as employees, thought they would be good as founders and bombed there too only to blame everything but the facts. But even for those people there are solutions, they just have to recognize the issue and start working on it (easier said than done of course).
I don't 100% believe in the "find your passion and you'll find happiness forever" stuff. But I do believe if you dislike what you are doing for enough days in a row you need to find a solution and make some changes. In some cases that solution might take 3-6 months more of grinding it out to set yourself up, but that is being a responsible adult. Not saying you aren't, just sharing that we all go through it and it does suck (and can be depressing), but I just see it as no one is immune from being human.
Good luck!
I'm a remote contractor now and much happier. I can make my own schedule and have enough time to work on my next company.