That fear of making mistakes makes it difficult to appreciate constructive criticism. I do appreciate it on an intellectual level but on an emotional level I feel more fear than appreciation. That the risk is that making any mistake could cost me my livelihood.
I don't mean like imposter syndrome where someone doesn't believe they are capable at something they can do. I mean when someone makes a mistake that needs correcting and it could reflect poorly on their performance.
Nobody gets fired over the mistakes they make unless (1) they make the same mistake over and over again (2) they have an attitude when people try to help them and/or give them feedback.
If you're in an environment where mistakes immediately lead everyone to think on how this reflects on their performance (without factoring in what the mistake was, what happened, how can you learn from it) an interesting thing will happen: people will get better at covering their mistakes. New people will struggle to adapt and old people will burn out. Guess what happens in the long run? The whole operation will collapse. If you are in one of these toxic places GTFO - no amount of money is worth your mental/physical health.
I think this is just how you think about yourself, because everyone is their own worst critic (myself included). The things you do right last a lot longer I'm sure than your mistakes. Unless you like, killed someone, or broke some incredibly expensive thing, etc. But then you'd probably be fired already.
Mistakes happen when you try something new. I think the most important thing is to manage your risk - what happens when you screw up? Hopefully the impact of mistakes is small.
As anecdata, I always really admire people who can say "look, I screwed up, and this is how I screwed up. Now you can learn from my mistake and maybe not screw up." Owning it I think is key. I'm not saying it's easy though.
One thing to be mindful of is a toxic, petty workplace. Even some large FANG companies are like this, where everyone is looking for reasons to try to hold you back even though they don't mean anything, it's just to make them look good. I got tired of that shit, and so I'm done with cultures like that. People end up spending so much time stabbing each other in the back they rarely get work done. When in a situation like that, make nice with the decision makers, and just remember the best revenge is success (and best served cold to your enemies). Don't even bother trying to woo jerks with your success.
Making mistakes isn't the problem. hiding them, or not being open to the possibility you are making them is far, far worse.
Someone who makes a mistake, catches it and fixes it - expert. Should be kept at all costs unless making the same mistakes over and over.
Someone who makes a mistake and then hides it or spends more time arguing why they were right in some non-existent edge case world - dangerous, get rid of immediately.
If you are any good, you will be working at the edge of your competence all the time. Sure you will have some processes in place but the real work is going to be new - full of ways to screw up. I thought "Someday I'll be good at this development stuff." Thing is, you won't really. Accept it!
Drop any pretense of ego. You can't be hurt if there is no "target". Do your research of course and then ask the "stupid"/embarrassing question. The guys who don't ask the question will remain ignorant. You will feel a little silly but that will pass and now you will know.
Lot of folk take advantage of other's insecurities because it works. And because it works, they train others to follow their methods. And that leads to a culture of fear.
So be conscious of who you are dealing with. Otherwise it can get very confusing.
Trust and respect are key. Find people you trust and respect based on their behavior towards others. They will be your sources of confidence and reduce your sensitivity to different types of triggers.
You'll likely be pleasantly surprised. Just like people with general insecurities frequently underestimate their likable attributes, it seems you're doing the same, but with your level of competence.
It may well be a fact, for you and everyone else, that if you make a mistake at work and people are aware of it, it reflects negatively on you more than the good things you do reflect positively. It's human nature, to pay attention when things go wrong. And why shouldn't it? – hopefully, you do many more good things every day than bad things. This may just be a matter of facing reality. Do others similarly fear making mistakes? You could ask them about that.
What's the worst that could happen? Often it's good to imagine that, in detail, when you are just "fearing the worst" in some situation in life, without really facing it. Living with that fear every day, as you are, may itself be much worse than that supposed "worst thing". Losing that job may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you–who knows. Also, strong enough fear of mistakes will actually cause you to make mistakes. Find self-help books on the subject or get some psychological counselling if it's a serious problem for you. Good luck!
I believe it is human nature to put more emphasis on failure than success, but I also believe that people set themselves up for failure by assuming that their decisions are somehow flawed compared to others. Most decisions we make are based on incomplete information, so the only recourse is to build stating your justifications with your decisions so that others's may review them in the light of the information you had available.
This happens all the time. Though making mistakes are parts of getting experience.
> That fear of making mistakes makes it difficult to appreciate constructive criticism. I do appreciate it on an intellectual level but on an emotional level I feel more fear than appreciation. That the risk is that making any mistake could cost me my livelihood
Past experiences might drive you to feel this. Take a step back. See things objectively. Stop being paranoid.
I felt this way months ago. Then I looked around, things will be more fragile if I'm not there to support it, therefore I'm important.
I continued moving, making calculated mistakes, so are those who work with me. I progress, perfect myself, and so can you.
You want constructive criticism in a safe space, which is before the accident. So work with your fellow devs before you release code to minimize prod mistakes. If you’re not in a workplace where that’s possible then more mistakes will happen, and that’s okay too. If you’re getting blamed for more mistakes happening in an environment that has been set up for more mistakes to happen? Idk, get out or ignore it because collective insanity has taken over.
In our modern lives, what we do require one thousand skills. We are good at some, sometimes extraordinary at others, but invariably we suck at some. I personally suck at lots of things, but I'm decent at many things as well, and there are a few things (not many) where I'm world class. It took me many years to get to being this content (and resigned) with myself, but I got here, and now I'm ok.
2. This podcast episode can help you figure out what you’re really afraid of:
https://feelinggood.com/2017/05/29/039-uncovering-techniques...
Same for new jobs, once I've mastered one difficult piece of work, I know I have passed this milestone and afterwards I stop worrying about that.
So yeah, humans make errors including you and me :) If the company culture gives you really bad feedback on this, it's their problem, not yours. I think it is common knowledge that overly bad feedback makes things worse not better. Everybody thinks that criticism should always be constructive. I don't think so, there is a place also for destructive criticism. Not always when we see an error or problem, we must have a solution. Otherwise it would mean we only work on solutions we already know which is paradox. And if most feedback is any form of criticism, I think that's also a sign for a problematic culture and possibly that people make up questionable tasks.
In any case, I think it should be balanced, most criticism must be constructive. I find the framework of non-violent communication very useful for discussing uncomfortable things.
Unless you work in a hellish organization, most people appreciate a person who can own a mistake and then take the required action to correct it.
It's when people are completely blind sided by the consequence of a mistake that you knew about, but kept to yourself that things start to get dicey.
In the end, everyone makes mistakes. If you work on the most critical of systems where mistakes are life and death, then I pity you, but if you fall outside of the realm, just be honest about what happened with whoever it matters to.
As others have pointed out, you can help yourself by practicing risk management. If you're taking a risk, try to hedge it.
I think most importantly, don't be scared of your job.
Good luck!
overly critical and ego driven perspective - how angry do you get at yourself for making mistakes outside of work? meditation and building a softer/less judgemental mind can work through this
lack of confidence in your ability to find another job - study up on interviewing, apply for some companies. create backup options for yourself.
fear of financial stability - like a previous poster said, it helps to have enough savings to weather any financial blips
fear of the unknown - improv classes are great at building confidence in yourself when dealing with unknown unknowns
just some ideas to work with
Incompetence is when you don't follow process or review your own work before pushing. Simple.
Fear rules life. Not even just humans but all animals and living creatures. You are not alone. It rules my life too. Now what is this fear? Why should I have it? Can I have no fear?
Trying to eliminate one fear is not enough, soon you'll be filled with another. In fact, fear fears itself.
I think fear is what conditions me into being who I am. The I, is built using different fears -- borders that should not be crossed. The fear of society, bad grade, loosing good status... oh, everything!
Now I ask myself, what is the point of maintaining this "I" if death is going to eliminate it. Because after all, it is too much work, constantly thinking/working to maintain a life that is marked as "APPROVED" by society, enforced by fear. Then once you get that "APPROVED" mark you fear loosing it... right?
Think about it. It is crazy. I'm full of fear of crossing rules at this very moment of writing... what if people don't like my answer, what if that is grammatically incorrect. What is the point of this constant fear?
It is simple, we have all these fears in the hope of preventing the experience of pain. It is ultimately the fear of experiencing pain, discomfort and ultimately death.
Now I have some suggesting... things that I do myself and have seen great improvement in my life having a lot less fear.
A) Study all your actions and see the trace of fear in all of them -- this opens up a world of understanding... soon you get it, it is all out of fear. Even love is mostly based on fear (but it does not have to be)
B) Eliminate the fear by thinking of death. Yes the most feared of all fears. We reject death and try to avoid it like any other fear, but with death it is even worse because it is the most feared, we go as far as subconsciously deny it. But if death does not work for you, face the experience that the fear is trying to prevent, face it, like a warrior (don't fight) but face it, and look at its eyes, is this the actual monster that you think it is? or is fear, the real monster?
C) Soon, a life that is driven by less fear, teaches you great important lessons, beautiful experiences that we miss because of these stupid fears. These experiences are already happening but we cannot see because of fear.
Now let me talk about the experiences... eating is 100x more enjoyable, loosing weight is 100x easier, heck even waiting in traffic light is enjoyable (when there is no fear you enjoy your own being). Also one's reaction to difficult situations is going to be 100x better when fear does not rule it all.
Enjoy a life with no fear, like a warrior, go to work, own the moment. If you get fired, just or unjust, face it, do the next thing. Speak up and listen with no fear. Also realize that others, your boss and co-workers are also driven by fear. Soon you feel not only your own action but other people actions, when I say feel, I mean you can actually feel their action with empathy and love -- after all they are suffering from the same monster: fear.
Also, most people that I talk to about this, think that once you eliminate all these fears and tendencies, you become a man of no action. That is not true, fear is defining the reaction, not actions. Once you are free of reacting to situations then you free to act instead of react -- this is very important to understand.
Also some people at first, once they look, they become afraid of having all these fears (again, another fear). Don't be afraid of having fears, own it, face this person full of fears, face the "I", then ask, who is the one looking at this, with no fear? and then remain in that state, all the time.
Wish you the best!